Letting go

A message to myself:

Even if there’s something better out there… It’s hard to let go of what’s in my hand for the unknown.

As I clutch, with white knuckles to what is good enough, I keep my eyes on what is best. I just can’t let it out of my sight. I long for it… I dream about it… Though my inability to let go of good enough feeds my growing discontentment like fertilizer.

I don’t know what you believe… but I believe that you can speak to the living God – and that God speaks back. Not in a crazy way… in a sane way. In a way that really transforms my life.

So, when I pray and ask God for insight and wisdom, I believe (100%) that He gives me those things. He promises that.

I’ve been seeking wisdom regarding a transition for years. (Just ask anyone close to me, I’m sure they’re tired of hearing about it.) So finally, I felt like I knew what I needed to do. It was clear. More than clear actually – uncomfortably clear – the kind of clarity that has to do with obedience. When clarity mixes with obedience, that’s some serious stuff. Seriously good. But serious none the less.

So, that’s where I am… struggling to obey.

Like God has never proven Himself faithful, good, or loving beyond comprehension. So, why can’t I let go of a mediocre dream for something greater? Can I not see that it actually is greater than what’s in my hands? Is it because I know that the next step will be hard? Is it just too risky?

So, I’m at a crossroad… I’m either going to believe that where He leads me is best – or I’m not.

If I can just wrap my mind, a little bit more, around how much God loves me… I would be less fearful, less intimidated and more willing to let go of the known for the unknown… Because if He really does love me, then He is trustworthy – without hesitation.

Sometimes I wonder if I jump, will he be there to catch me? Or, what if I leave what is certain -and obey- and then it all collapses in on itself…. and I end up out on the street – begging for food – without my tweezers (possibly the worst case scenario)… Okay… I know, a bit over the top… But sometimes, before I even get to taking the step of faith, deciding to turn in the direction of obedience is more difficult than anything.

The unknown that I turn toward might fall apart. Then again, the certainty of today might be pulled from underneath me. If I do everything right, things could still end up in a hot mess.

You see the thing is (and excuse me as I tell myself this for the eighteen millionth time)… It’s not up to me to make it right and beautiful and successful. Success doesn’t hinge on my perseverance, intellect or smooth skills (whatever those might be) alone.

What I am responsible for is loving people and loving God. It’s not complicated really (though I tend to over complicate everything). It’s simple… Today, am I being obedient to what God is leading me to do?

Am I willing to let go of my expectations, fears and disappointments and turn toward Him {and trust} in His love? His love that sacrificed, and gave and risked it all… And continues to give so that I might continue to scratch the surface of how deep and how wide and how high is His love.

If I can allow myself to get lost in His great love, then I can more fully see who He really is… In seeing who God really is, you can’t help but fall more in love with Him. Then, all I will want to do is turn and run in the direction that He is calling me.

If you would like to know more about what talking to God looks like – or want to ask any questions about His love for you, email me. We can walk through it together.




Daniel and I are working through an Advent app on my phone this Christmas season… and I love it. After we wake up, we french press our coffee and sit down together and read the daily reading which includes both the Bible and a thought provoking side-kick (not the technical name).

Advent: “a coming into view, or arrival; the advent of the holiday season. The coming of Christ into the world.” (dictionary.com)

Advent is a pretty big deal if you are a Christian… and lets be honest… it’s a pretty big deal if you’re not.

One of the most meaningful readings was hinging around one of the names of God: Immanuel (which means ‘God with us’). I really love the name Immanuel and the reality that the God of the universe, the creator of the world, chose to intimately dwell with us.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

John 1:14

God (Jesus) came to us – if that isn’t amazing enough, he came to dwell with us.

Some synonyms of the word dwell are live and inhabit. God came to live with us, he came to inhabit us. Insert drop jaw craziness! It sounds almost unbelievable I know, but it is the best news EVER!

Grandeur and intimacy, holiness and friendship, creator and counselor.

I am so humbled to think of God coming down to us, to make a way to know him: personally, intimately. Knowing God is not a magical equation that once you decide to believe in Jesus your life will be grand and nothing bad will ever happen to you. We don’t have to look too far to see the absurdity in that thought. However, He did come to us – for us – to be with us.

As Christians around the world celebrate this special time of Advent, Christ coming as an infant into this world, I am reminded that He is Immanuel – God with me… you… and us.

If you have never experienced the God who is with you and are interested in asking some questions (as stupid as you think that they might be – they’re not), send me an email and I would love to dialogue with you about it.

I can say that Immanuel, God with me, has radically changed my life for the better on a whole and day by day. I am so thankful for God’s gift in coming to us so that we might know him in a personal way.

I hope this Christmas is wonderful for you, and your family, in every way possible.