Letting go

A message to myself:

Even if there’s something better out there… It’s hard to let go of what’s in my hand for the unknown.

As I clutch, with white knuckles to what is good enough, I keep my eyes on what is best. I just can’t let it out of my sight. I long for it… I dream about it… Though my inability to let go of good enough feeds my growing discontentment like fertilizer.

I don’t know what you believe… but I believe that you can speak to the living God – and that God speaks back. Not in a crazy way… in a sane way. In a way that really transforms my life.

So, when I pray and ask God for insight and wisdom, I believe (100%) that He gives me those things. He promises that.

I’ve been seeking wisdom regarding a transition for years. (Just ask anyone close to me, I’m sure they’re tired of hearing about it.) So finally, I felt like I knew what I needed to do. It was clear. More than clear actually – uncomfortably clear – the kind of clarity that has to do with obedience. When clarity mixes with obedience, that’s some serious stuff. Seriously good. But serious none the less.

So, that’s where I am… struggling to obey.

Like God has never proven Himself faithful, good, or loving beyond comprehension. So, why can’t I let go of a mediocre dream for something greater? Can I not see that it actually is greater than what’s in my hands? Is it because I know that the next step will be hard? Is it just too risky?

So, I’m at a crossroad… I’m either going to believe that where He leads me is best – or I’m not.

If I can just wrap my mind, a little bit more, around how much God loves me… I would be less fearful, less intimidated and more willing to let go of the known for the unknown… Because if He really does love me, then He is trustworthy – without hesitation.

Sometimes I wonder if I jump, will he be there to catch me? Or, what if I leave what is certain -and obey- and then it all collapses in on itself…. and I end up out on the street – begging for food – without my tweezers (possibly the worst case scenario)… Okay… I know, a bit over the top… But sometimes, before I even get to taking the step of faith, deciding to turn in the direction of obedience is more difficult than anything.

The unknown that I turn toward might fall apart. Then again, the certainty of today might be pulled from underneath me. If I do everything right, things could still end up in a hot mess.

You see the thing is (and excuse me as I tell myself this for the eighteen millionth time)… It’s not up to me to make it right and beautiful and successful. Success doesn’t hinge on my perseverance, intellect or smooth skills (whatever those might be) alone.

What I am responsible for is loving people and loving God. It’s not complicated really (though I tend to over complicate everything). It’s simple… Today, am I being obedient to what God is leading me to do?

Am I willing to let go of my expectations, fears and disappointments and turn toward Him {and trust} in His love? His love that sacrificed, and gave and risked it all… And continues to give so that I might continue to scratch the surface of how deep and how wide and how high is His love.

If I can allow myself to get lost in His great love, then I can more fully see who He really is… In seeing who God really is, you can’t help but fall more in love with Him. Then, all I will want to do is turn and run in the direction that He is calling me.

If you would like to know more about what talking to God looks like – or want to ask any questions about His love for you, email me. We can walk through it together.

 

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Splinters, Pity parties and being Thankful.

I just got a splinter in my finger. Again.

We’re working on our new home and the first splinter came by way of a five-inch piece of severed wood that was driven between my thumb and fingernail. With eyes that bulged out of my head, I pulled that stick out of my finger asap. Now on to today, I was cleaning an old window when lo and behold another piece drives into my finger: underneath my nail – Ah-freaking-gain.

If you’ve never experienced this form of torture, be glad. I’m not a lightweight when it comes to pain…. but this my friends, feels like crap. I’d rather getting slapped across the face or forced to do burpees until I fatigue or throw up. To add insult to the literal injury, when I went to pull this splinter out of my finger, it broke off underneath my nail. So I did a few lamaze breathing techniques {or something?} and ran to the bathroom while making little piglet noises.

So, as a reward for all of my hard work, I went on Instagram and got annoyed. (Social media is my kryptonite!) I saw something on there that I wanted and didn’t have, so I became jealous – which lead to feeling inferior – which lead to me feeling discontent. Quickly, I realized I only had two choices:

1. Commit to the pity party and go big, for crying out load (perhaps literally).

2. Remember reality… I have everything I could want and need (maybe besides a Mercedes G wagon – KIDDING – I am thankful for my Nissan) and I live a pretty amazing life.

I’ve been working on changing pathetic attitudes that bring me no where but down. In fact, in small circles, I am known to throw amazing pity parties – for myself.

As I type this post, this is what I’m looking at:

pityparty

{#justmoved #nofilter #reallife}

Jealous? Probably not… Mainly because you shouldn’t be.

We are geared to share the lovely, the beautiful and the adventurous with our friends, family, and those who don’t even know us. But is that reality? No. It’s not. I don’t care who you are – you’re life isn’t perfect and poop happens {aka: splinters breaking off underneath your nail}.

I have so many things to be thankful for… I SHOULD be the poster child for thankfulness… But am I? -no- Are you?

Media tells us about all the things we don’t have. But why can’t we be content with being us? Wholly who we were created to be? …No mould, not like any other, authentic and uniquely beautiful.

About five years ago, I was really struggling with being content and found myself longing for everything that I DIDN’T have (imagine that). During that time, I started saying the phrase: “Envy your life Samira.” When I thought about all of the things in my life that I have to be thankful for (I made a list), it started to change my pity party attitude into one of gratitude, peace and contentedness.

So, since it’s time for an attitude change – right now, here’s my – this is what I’m thankful for right now, list:

1. I have all my fingers – even though one hurts – a lot. I almost lost one once – and I am very thankful that it was saved/healed.

2. My husband likes me. In fact, he loves me. Even better – actually – he honors me. And I know for a fact, not everyone has that. I’m thankful for him.

3. I’m thankful that when I need help, I can call out to the Lord and He’s there. {BOOM!} He’s not too busy for me. He just isn’t – and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

4. Even though my house is a “work in progress”, I have a house. Um hello….thankful!

5. And you know what? I like the sofa that I’m sitting on. I think it has beautiful lines, and as an artist, I’m very thankful for that.

… and as I go… I’m feeling better… I’m taking the focus off of what I don’t have and placing on what I do have… Where my focus should have been all along.

So, what are five things you’re thankful for? I bet if you start with five, you’ll think of six and then seven… Because thankfulness grows when you water it.

Be thankful… When it’s hard. When you wanna cry. When you wanna kick the window that gave you the horrendous splinter in the first place. Be thankful. Again… And again… And again. Until I – until you – can’t help but be thankful.

Because even though thankfulness doesn’t make the pain go away (finger still hurts), it does keep my eyes on the big picture… that life – MY life… YOUR lifereally is something to be thankful for.


No Excuse

No Excuse

Inspired from Romans 2:1
Featured on Pick Your Portion


PickYourPortion.com – round 1

Hey friends! Today I am a featured artist on PickYourPortion.com! PickYourPortion is a website committed to providing Biblical insight and reading for women – from women. Writers and artists have come together to contribute insight, inspiration and creativity all focused on different passages in the Bible.

My inspiration for the artwork that I created for today comes from 2 Corinthians 9: 6-8. Please check it out! And if you like the artwork, the prints are available on Etsy! {That was my unofficial announcement that my shop is up and running.}


Immanuel

Daniel and I are working through an Advent app on my phone this Christmas season… and I love it. After we wake up, we french press our coffee and sit down together and read the daily reading which includes both the Bible and a thought provoking side-kick (not the technical name).

Advent: “a coming into view, or arrival; the advent of the holiday season. The coming of Christ into the world.” (dictionary.com)

Advent is a pretty big deal if you are a Christian… and lets be honest… it’s a pretty big deal if you’re not.

One of the most meaningful readings was hinging around one of the names of God: Immanuel (which means ‘God with us’). I really love the name Immanuel and the reality that the God of the universe, the creator of the world, chose to intimately dwell with us.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

John 1:14

God (Jesus) came to us – if that isn’t amazing enough, he came to dwell with us.

Some synonyms of the word dwell are live and inhabit. God came to live with us, he came to inhabit us. Insert drop jaw craziness! It sounds almost unbelievable I know, but it is the best news EVER!

Grandeur and intimacy, holiness and friendship, creator and counselor.

I am so humbled to think of God coming down to us, to make a way to know him: personally, intimately. Knowing God is not a magical equation that once you decide to believe in Jesus your life will be grand and nothing bad will ever happen to you. We don’t have to look too far to see the absurdity in that thought. However, He did come to us – for us – to be with us.

As Christians around the world celebrate this special time of Advent, Christ coming as an infant into this world, I am reminded that He is Immanuel – God with me… you… and us.

If you have never experienced the God who is with you and are interested in asking some questions (as stupid as you think that they might be – they’re not), send me an email and I would love to dialogue with you about it.

I can say that Immanuel, God with me, has radically changed my life for the better on a whole and day by day. I am so thankful for God’s gift in coming to us so that we might know him in a personal way.

I hope this Christmas is wonderful for you, and your family, in every way possible.